i just woke up from an unscheduled nap and felt compelled to blog. nothing in particular in mind to write about but just a desire to put something down. ill just start writing and see where it takes me.
im looking around my room right now for something to trigger a recent memory during the past week that i would enjoy writing about. my cat sits on the old trunk in my living room licking himself as he so often likes to do. the large dump of snow this weekend has dimmed the light from entering in through the small basement windows in my apartment, as if it werent dark enough down here. my plants are drooping from either too little sunlight or water. its probably both.
my living room is not going to be a good source of inspiration, but im not getting up from my chair so my inspiration will have to come from elsewhere.
one of my players quit on his team last night at street soccer. it made me really mad. madder than a mad hatter mad. ok, maybe not that mad but it certainly irked me more than i was prepared for. its one thing to quit at something when it only affects you (ex. tennis, track and field, etc) but its much different when you’re quitting lets down others/teammates.
in my last year of university basketball i hurt my back pretty bad. for a while it was a struggle to simply get out of bed and get changed. putting on socks was sometimes a 20 minute endeavour. i rehabbed everyday trying to get my back better. i saw the physio daily, the massage therapist every other day and followed a yoga dvd in my living room twice a day trying to get back into shape. eventually my back started to respond and i was able to begin playing again, albeit, still with a considerable amount of pain.
at the christmas break my parents sat me down and had some candid talks with me about the health of my back. as much progress as i had made, i wasnt close to 100% and every practice or game i played moving forward would threaten the health of my body for the future. i knew they wanted me to shut it down and end my senior year prematurely. the thought was unthinkable, no matter how much the pain in my body said otherwise.
my mom asked me if i wanted to play sports with my kids one day. if i kept going the way i was going, she insisted, the likelihood of me watching from a wheelchair became increasingly more likely.
no pun intended but that was the straw the broke the camels back: my basketball career was officially over.
i cried. it may seem silly to some, crying over a game, but that game had been my life, day in and day out, for over a decade.
sure, i had a medical reason to not go back and finish out the season with my team but it still felt like i quit on them and i hated that feeling.
i really wish things had been different. not a day goes by that i dont wish that.
does everything really happen for a reason or is that just something we tell ourselves to make us feel better?
my cat is still licking himself. now hes scratching his face with his hind leg. i wish i were that flexible. am i turning into one of those really weird people who give play by plays on their cats? this may be a new low. its like he knows im writing about him. he just stopped and is staring at me now. maybe he can read my mind. maybe my cat has telepathy! maybe this is the weirdest and all-over-the-place blog i have ever written.
im not about to go back through the last 3 years of blogging to figure that out.